❤✿ツ

mood: relaxed
craving: ❤La Madeleine with my sisters ❀

Salam Alykom and Hello to all my followers out there. The weekend is over and we just relaxed all weekend. I hope y'all enjoy your up coming week.

❝Don't change yourself for somebody else. If they don't like the way you are, then find somebody that will love every one of your imperfections.❞

❝It's time to let go.. time to carry on with the show..
don't mourn what is gone, greet the dawn n' I will be standing by your side together we'll face the turning tide.❞

final whisper:❝Take Risks in Your Life"
If u Win, U Can Lead!
If u Loose, U Can Guide!❞

How do you heal a broken heart?

mood: somber
craving: to see my friends back in UAE. T <3 M <3 C <3 S <3 K <3  I love y'all and miss y'all.

As I was driving tonight with my kids, I turned to my daughter and said, "I know he loved me." She looked at me and said, "Mom, sometimes when people are hurt they say spiteful things." I think thats why he told you, 'I stopped loving you a while back.' And in turn you told him something that hurt him."

I sighed and said, "Yeah, maybe your right. No, you're right." I turned the radio louder, as if I wanted to drown out the silence. I started reminiscing about all the good and crazy times we had together. I wondered when this hurt was gonna stop. Is he the only man in my life that I will love? Is he gonna be the only man to laugh at my crazy jokes and no matter what crazy faces I would make while we were joking. Just to see the look in his eyes when he would laugh at me, was priceless. Whose gonna sit in front of me while I'm putting my make-up on and stare at me and watch me as I put every color on my face. Whose going to be that one person who's gonna love me for me? I know it sounds funny, but I've loved one man in my life and it's Abu Azooz. How will I love another? Alas, it's over.  I pray that Allah puts that love in my heart when the right man comes in my life and I love him for the sake of God and treat him with respect and in turn he does the same. I'm not ready to marry anytime soon. And as a Muslim woman, we don't date.  But, when that time does come. I pray God sends someone with a strong deen and someone who will respect me. I won't take anything less. I deserve this. "I've learned- That writing, as well as talking, can ease emotional pains." <--- Thanks, Miss Dreamer.. I do miss you.  <=== What a awesome blog.

Side note; anyone who tells me to go back with him. I can't.. This is simply my little rant for the day. I get to do this. Writing puts everything in perceptive for me. 

final whisper: "Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never met."

Some more thoughts...

mood: reflective
craving: that hug from one of the most amazing women in the world - My son's grandmother.

Salam Alykom to my brothers and sisters and Hello to my lovely non-Muslims. I hope everyone is having a great week. I'm sure y'all are ready for the weekend. I know I am. That's the only time I get to spend with some of my special sisters. <3

Azooz and his grandfather

Today has been one of those reflective days. I spent some time talking with my sister-in-law. Or maybe I should say my sister in Islam. Yes, that feels more accurate. My sister, the one I miss with all my heart. I shared with her so much of what I have been feeling lately. I told her, “I have to admit, I gained so many beautiful things from this marriage. I met the most incredible family in the world, people I will always love, cherish, and never forget.” Her response made my heart melt. I will be humble and keep the sweet details just between us. She was concerned about my happiness, saddened by everything that has happened, and mostly worried about how this will affect our son, how he will bear the brunt of it all. That is the painful reality of divorce. But given that his father does not live here in the States, we know we will have to approach things differently, thoughtfully. Later, while washing the dishes, I kept thinking about our conversation. Tears ran down my cheeks as memories came flooding back, especially of my mother-in-law. I remembered the first time I met her, how she came up, hugged me, and greeted me with the warmest smile. In that moment, I knew I was exactly where I was meant to be. Her hugs always carried such warmth, and the love she had for me was clear from the start. --- If you want, I can also make an **even softer, more intimate version** that flows like a gentle meditation or personal letter. That version would feel even more emotional and heartfelt. Do you want me to do that?

I miss you
I miss your smile
And I still shed a tear
Every once in a while
And even though it's different now
You're still here somehow
My heart won't let you go
And I need you to know
I miss you

All in all, I thought about not writing about my past anymore and what I feel and felt then. But, you know this is a healing process and I had ten years with Abo Azooz (father of Azooz) and it won't go away just like that. It takes time. Plus, this is my blog and I get to write what I want. :) I'm moving on. They say time heals. They're right. Time does heal.  This journal is a therapy for me and it feels good to reflect on good times with the people I love. I like to always write positive things about people I love.  Even if no one ever read my blog again, it would still comfort me to know that I'm writing for a good cause. I try to help people out there in the world, struggling maybe with issues like mine. If not like mine, they're different and let them know that life isn't perfect. There are many struggles and heartache in life. If there wasn't, there would be no purpose to strive for better.

Nothing is predestined: The obstacles of your past can become the gateways that lead to new beginnings.

I've said in other blog entries: if I've helped one person out there, that would make me feel awesome. If I made one person smile after or while they're having a bad day, I would be so happy. I ask God to always make us appreciate the big and small things in this short life and always strive for better. I ask Him to protect us from the bad out there and to keep us on the straight path always. 

Many of my friends and family ask me, "If you had to do it all over again, would you?" I reply without a thought. YES and YES and YES again and again. With a big smile. I don't regret a thing in my life. I really don't. The last ten years of my life was like a fairy tale. My son was the best gift I got out of all this. The second best thing was getting to know my in laws and sharing my love with them and in turn them giving me their love and showing me what genuine people they are. May God protect them always and give them good in this life and the hear after and forgive their shortcomings AMEEN

We miss y'all. Yes, we do. Much love and many kisses and hugs. I will never in my life forget how you made us feel.  My sons reflection is y'all. I promise he will know y'all. 

Dearest Aboya (my father in law) & Yumma (Mother in law) I will always remember all the love you gave us. Y'all will forever be in my heart and most importantly my prayers.

final whisper: Never regret anything because at one time it was exactly what you wanted

In the end, no one wins

mood: Somber

craving:To always see my son smiling

Salam Alykom and hello to all my readers I hope everyone is enjoying their weekend. For my Middle Eastern friends, the weekend is over. You made the best of it, I hope. Now for my entry.

It has been a very difficult year for me. I have only been able to maintain good faith because of God. During my time of despair, I cried out to him. My situation was always hopeful and I had faith it would improve.  The feelings I felt of being away from where I intended to make my life and people I loved/still love were all over the place. There are times in life when you must listen to your heart and choose what is best for you and those you love. It was my decision to remain in the United States. After all, I don't want to make a decision that will harm my son and daughter. It is unlikely that any mother would do that. Ten years ago, I would never have imagined myself in this situation. It is never easy to go through a divorce, and the kids are usually the ones who suffer the most. It is unfortunate.

When both parents live in the same city, it's hard on the kids, but can you imagine being thousands of miles away from them?

I'm sure everyone is interested in hearing who our son will stay with... The judge decided that keeping our son with me would be best. Do I feel happy? Without a doubt. It is important to me that my son stays with me always. However, I also feel compassion towards his father in this regard. Having gone through everything we went through, I threw it out the window. The marriage between him and I is over. I am now most concerned with how my son and his father will remain in contact as often as possible. My son loves and adores his father and I will do everything I can to keep in touch with him.

As for the real purpose of this entry.... There is no winner in a divorce. Both sides are affected by this sad situation. His father is a loving and caring father. The only thing we need to do now is work together to keep the relationship between him and our son open and happy. I'm all for it. I support that wholeheartedly. Regardless of what happened between us, it's no longer a topic of discussion. We are now entering the real work phase. It's about maintaining the loving relationship between father and son. In this life, nothing is easy, but if you work hard and have people who are willing to help you, it's possible. As far as I am concerned, Abu Azooz (the father of Azooz) will do whatever it takes to keep in touch with his son as much as possible.

Making my son aware of the rich and beautiful culture he possesses. Taking the time to talk to him about his loving family back in the United Arab Emirates. Teaching him Arabic properly by an Arabic teacher. My son needs to learn how to pronounce the words correctly, because I don't pronounce the words correctly.  I told him that one day, he will be reunited with his family. Hopefully, God will allow it. During my drive yesterday, I heard this song by Lonestar called I'm Already There. My tears couldn't be contained. It's a father telling his family he'll never leave them.

 Well, Monday is going to be a hard day for Abu Azooz  and I. Abu Azooz will say good-bye to his son. I know this isn't easy for him. But, I'm praying that he comes to see him often. Skype is always good, too. I ask Allah (God) to give my son and his father a nice loving, caring, strong relationship and to make everything easy for all of u.


final whisper: Onward and upward. I bid you farewell, Abu Azooz. May Allah grant you everything you ask for in your life and reward you for all the good times you have shared with us and the love you have shown us. My prayers will always be with you.Whenever I think of you, I always want the best for you. I am sorry that everything had to happen the way it did. We only need to say, "Alhamdullah" (thank you God), because Allah knows what is best for us. There have been many lessons you have taught me in this life, and I will take what I can from it and build upon it. We had a lot of good times and I hope you always remember them. I have been given the greatest gift of my life by you. He is our son. Please know that he will be taken care of and he is loved very much..

Not without my son

mood: always happy
craving: to be left alone and stop being harassed

Salam Alykom and Hola to all my followers .. I hope everyone is having a great weekend. So far the kids and I have had a nice weekend. On to my entry. :)

I guess a lot of you are wondering, why is TEXAN back in TEXAS? Well, it all started last year. I hadn't been back to the States in almost ten years. When we started having problems in the beginning of last year, my son's father suggested my daughter and I come back to visit. I said, "My daughter and I only? No way! I'm not going without my son." He argued with me on that and said I was not to take his son out of UAE without him, his father. I still didn't agree, and thank God my all my in laws were on my side. He told me he would come with my son during our month of Ramadan to pick my daughter and I up. Well, when the news hit his parents, hell hit the fan. His father was very much against it and said, "This is your son;s mom and he will go with her." Basically saying, what's wrong with you. My father in law made sure that my son's father got a passport to the States and off we went. That first week away from UAE, I was honestly hopeful that everything would work out between my husband and I. I trusted him and believed him, even after he was so bad to me. My heart was broken and my mind wasn't as alert as it was before.

They always warned me; They change when they move back to their country. Not all, of course. I know some sisters who have wonderful ARAB husbands. But, it's different. Yeah, they weren't joking when they said this. It's like he turned into a different person. Here I was: I gave up my family and my country to go with a man I loved and adored. If you were to ask me... if I would do it over again. I would because I have grown from these experiences, experiences that a lot of people don't get.  I was treated like well until the last year and that's what broke us.  I won't say what he has done to me, I feel this is between us and it's something big or I would never be back here in TEXAS. My close friends and family know about it. But, I will not reveal it to anyone else, now.

Ok, sorry I got off track. Well, it's been almost a year since seeing him and I tried to go on with my life.  These last couple of months have been getting better.. I started to realize that I will not go back. In this year, I can count on one of my hands how many times my son's father had called. And the money- well let's just say he's sent money only a couple of times. Sad but true. If he wanted us to work out he wouldn't have waited a year to come to Texas to get my kids and I. He showed up on my door step on Sunday without any notice and wanted us back. I knew it wasn't me he wanted back, it was his son he wanted back. But, since it's such a shame for 'ARABS' to divorce, he would of stayed without the love.

Divorce is something very big in our religion and very much disliked by God. However, in cases like mine and many others, we have no choice. I can't ever be in a marriage where the respect is gone. Never. He is here in Texas now and we are battling this out in court. My first court date is soon and we are praying that the judge is in favor for me. My son has been with me, his mother, for his 3 yrs of life. In our religion, the kids stay with the mom for the first 7 yrs if the parents get divorced. This is the shariah law in our religion. If I went back to UAE, my son would automatically stay with me. Plus I would get all the benefits I do deserve,  Islamically.  If I remarried, he would go to his father. If his father is remarried, he goes to the grandparents. So, that's not the case with us. I won't go back to his country. Period. Now my husband is fighting for custody to take our son away from me and get him back to UAE.

I got my lawyer and will fight for my son. Please pray for me and know that in Islam, the kids stay with the mom (unless she is unfit). Anyone who knows me, knows that I am a good mother- my kids are my life... Money means nothing to me. He can tell me to go back to UAE and tell me that I can get anything I want, like, I used to get, and more. But if that was what I wanted, I would be back there living a miserable life, like that last year I lived. Money is nice, but it can't buy happiness.. No way, no how. I live a humble life now and truly know that happiness isn't all about money. I have diginity and will raise my kids this way too.

A man came to the Prophet and said, "O Allah's Apostle! Who is more entitled to be treated with the best companionship by me?" The Prophet said, "Your mother." The man said. "Who is next?" The Prophet said, "Your mother." The man further said, "Who is next?" The Prophet said, "Your mother." The man asked for the fourth time, "Who is next?" The Prophet said, "Your father."
Sahih Bukhari, Volume 8, Book 73, Number 2

‘Abdullah ibn ‘Amr narrated that a woman came to the Prophet sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam and said: O Messenger of Allah, my womb was a vessel for this son of mine, and my breasts gave him to drink, and my lap was a refuge for him, but his father has divorced me and he wants to take him away from me. The Messenger of Allah sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam said to her: “You have more right to him so long as you do not remarry.” [Ahmad & Abu Dawood; classed as hasan by al-Albaani]

I will not let my sons father raise him intolerant to non-Muslims or to Americans. That's just what he wants to do. Raise him to hate America and to hate non-Muslims. This is not Islam. We have enough hate in the world. My kids will never be raised this way by me.

bottom line is... When you marry a man of a different culture, it's very hard and I now know to stick to my fellow Americans. :) So, think long and hard about marrying someone of a different culture. Be it, French, German or Indian. Not just Arabs

BTW: look out for my book... :) coming soon. 

final whisper: thanks to all my friends (sisters in Islam) and family & childhood friends for being right beside me in this time in my life. I love y'all. Ameen to all the prayers.

Sunday, dear Sunday...

mood: relaxed
craving: somewhere, where it's snowing now...

salam alykom to my dear Muslim brothers and sisters and a BIG hola to all my brothers and sisters in humanity. This weekend was a nice relaxing weekend with my kids and one of my best friends. It's almost coming to a end. We just lounged around today. I read a some Quran. Very relaxing. So, tell me what y'all have done this weekend. Next weekend is gonna be a long one, Memorial Day and all. Other than that, just busy. A lot to do here in Texas. :) Have a great week, everyone! and don't forget to smile. :)

So, on to my entry. Very short and very random. I hope it makes y'all smile.

Give me odorous at sunrise a garden of beautiful flowers where I can walk undisturbed.  

~Walt Whitman

''A perfume is like a piece of clothing, a message, a way of 

presenting oneself ... a costume ... that differs according to

the woman who wears it''.

I think we dream so we don't have to be away from one another. If we're in each other's dreams, we'll always be together.
~ Hobbes

"Happiness is the secret to all beauty. There is no beauty 

without happiness." 

— Christian Dior

Back in America, so coffee it is ...

~Texan, after UAE

The World is a book, and those who do not travel read only a page.
Saint Augustine

This is my wish for you: Comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sag, beauty for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your being, faith so that you can believe, confidence for when you doubt, courage to know yourself, patience to accept the truth, Love to complete your life.
-- Author Unknown

You must love yourself before you love another. By accepting yourself and fully being what you are, your simple presence can make others happy.
-- Author Unknown

"Kindness is like snow - it beautifies everything it covers"

final whisper: In dreams and in love there are no impossibilities.

Missed y'all... :) :) :)... Random post about different things.

mood: happy

craving: Colorado

First off, Salam Alykom to my new friends and followers!! I adore you already.  Make yourself at home. Comment and say hi to let me know you've been here! I promise I don't bite.. :) I might just bore y'all with little things in my life.  But, keep a open mind and know that my intentions are good. I want to make y'all laugh and think about life. Now, hurry up and get your favorite drink and snack and read a long. Come follow me through my happy days and my hardships. God's willing, more happy days than hardships.


Well, it's been a while since I've made my last entry. I keep getting emails from readers asking me when I'm going to make the next entry. Well, I've been very busy and hardly on the net these days. Life just makes me busy. Being a single parent isn't easy and I have to give more attention to my kids.. :) Alhamdulilah (thank you God). Today is Mother's day, as Muslims we don't celebrate this day, because every day is Mother's day for us.

Narrated Abu Huraira:

A man came to Allah’s Apostle and said, “O Allah’s Apostle! Who is more entitled to be treated with the best companionship by me?” The Prophet (pbuh) said, “Your mother.” The man said. “Who is next?” The Prophet said, “Your mother.” The man further said, “Who is next?” The Prophet said, “Your mother.” The man asked for the fourth time, “Who is next?” The Prophet said, “Your father. ”
(Bukhari, Volume 8, Book 73, Number 2)

 So, everyday we celebrate Mother's day, not just one day out of the year. Mothers are important everyday. But, to all my non-muslim readers, Happy Mom's day to y'all and happy mom's day to your moms and grandmoms. :) So, that's the end to this subject. Let's talk about something else.. I feel like being random today. :) :) :)

I'm sure the way I feel these past months is the fact that I'm on my own with my two kids. Or maybe now im finding out what it's really like to be independent and not depend on anyone but myself. If you've heard that song Landslide by Stevie Nicks, it tells my story perfectly. 

Well I’ve been afraid of changing ‘cause I
Built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Children get older, I’m getting older to

I've come to find out who  my 'true' friends are. I found that out fast. My two best friends are still in touch with me and have given me every excuse is to why I'm busy with my life here in Texas. I do have new friends here and have a lot of support from them. But, that doesn't mean I don't think of and miss my besties there in UAE.  It feels good to know that people don't turn the other cheek when you need them.

I'm also so thank full that God put Om Abdullah and Twizzle in my life. They have been there for me. Maybe we don't talk as much as we used to when I lived there in UAE, but none the less, they are there for me to talk to me and support me. All I have to do is pick the phone up and call and they will never question me for not keeping in touch as often. This is what a friendship consists of. Making excuses for each other and trying to put yourself in their shoes. I miss them and I know they miss me.

I just need to relax, and breathe. I just need to always think about that verse in our holy Quran.

For truly with hardship comes ease; truly with hardship comes ease. (Surat al-

Inshirah: 5-6)

It's coming and I can feel it. I always say, alhamdullah (thank you God) for everything you have put in my life. There's a reason why I'm here now, and not in UAE.  So, let me just relax and always have faith in God. There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Optimism always helps; I'm actually happy with my life here. I'm very humbled and very thankful to Allah. Wow, this post is all over the place. Just writing down my feelings and listening to My Best Friend's Wedding on the TV in the back ground.. LOL

The moment I wake up
Before I put on my makeup
I say a little pray for you
While combing my hair now,
And wondering what dress to wear now,
I say a little prayer for you

Forever, and ever, you'll stay in my heart
and I will love you
Forever, and ever, we never will part
Oh, how I love you
Together, forever, that's how it must be
To live without you
Would only mean heartbreak for me.

That's what they're singing now. It goes perfect with my mood.

Hmmm what to talk about now... I've been typing this entry for hours (got busy with kids) and coming back and forth putting my 2 cents here and there. Taking phone calls from close friends and laughing with my kids, makes a perfect day. I'm sure later on one of my closest friends will come on by, as she does almost every day. I always await our conversations. It makes my days and nights a lot better.

So, here's to friendship and mothers. May God always bring good in my life and let me smile everyday and laugh everyday and most of all, think of Allah every day ameen

. 

final whisper: even if you think I don't care for you, I still do and always will. I miss those nights singing with you on the phone and just acting silly. I miss you and love you still.