Thank YOU.., gracias , shukran

mood: :)

craving: a nice evening with my kids and my friends... 

Salam alykom and Hola to all my followers and readers.. :) :) :) The long weekend has been good to me and my kids. Last night we had a great time with some of my closest friends. Today we are all invited to a dinner. I hope everyone has a GREAT holiday weekend. For my Christian readers, have a Happy Easter.  Now, on to my entry. Ta Ta for now...

There are no words to describe my gratitude and love for you. Gratitude because you have been there for me in one of the 3 lowest moments in my life. The first lowest moment in my life was loosing my mother, and that was a hard road to follow. My second was loosing my son, Mubarak. I was in Europe at the time, and thank God I had a great husband who nurtured me back to life. My third... well, it was losing the love of my life to a dreadful 7 lettered word: divorce. And you, my father, have been here for me during the last  dark moment in my life. When the clouds were the darkest, your humor  and shyness with your twinge of charm brought out my smile. Without you, where would I be?

When I came back to Texas after being gone almost ten years, I didn't know I was going to stay here. Am I going to make it my home again? God only knows. But you have made it so much easier than it would of been if I didn't have a father like you. You have given me and your grandchildren  unconditional love and support. You're unique and you are well loved by everyone who has had the privilege of you being in your life. Love, well, really there are no words to describe my love for you. Not even if I lived on this earth for a million years, it would never be enough to show or tell you the love I have for you.

I've learned a lot since being gone. I've learned that love doesn't come first in someone's life. Love is a word that us humans feel when we want to feel safe. With love should come respect and it should work in this order..

• respect

• love

Without respect there can never be love. And those two things, my dear father, I have always had for you. So,  thank you. Thank you for being all that you can and more.  

I ask God to always protect you and to give you what's good in this life and the next... 

final whisper: You are my hero

As much as I try...

mood: just..

craving: UAE

I woke up today wishing I was back in the UAE. I can't believe that I'm still not over the culture shock of being back in the States. Still not  used to my own rich Hispanic culture. Why? I think I'm mourning the culture I love and lived with, my son's roots, the man that I used to love, the family that I got used to, the family that loved me, the family that took me in and loved my daughter and I. I know they say, "Bring the culture to your home if you love it so much and keep it with you forever." You know, its not the same.

I can serve my family some chai haleeb (tea with milk) and make my mother in law's famous biryani with chicken and desserts and try to mimic everything back in UAE, the things I learned. But, it's not the same. I hear no Arabic language around my home, no children laughing and screaming around my home and most of all, I hear no call to prayer when it's time to pray. I miss it...I miss listening to my mother in law talk to my son in Arabic.. Miss seeing her hug and kiss him.  I really miss it. The call to prayer on my laptop isn't enough. To see my son play alone on his bike and with his toys, breaks my heart. Am I such a bad mom, to keep him away from the family who loves him, and who prays that he's in their site everyday? My son sometimes asks about them and when he sees the picture of his grandfather, he smiles and says, "I miss him. I miss jeddo, Mama." But, on the other hand, my father loves him just as much. At times I wonder  if my father would die from heart break if I left back to UAE. When I say die from heart break, I'm not exaggerating. The look in my father;s eyes when my son hugs him is enough to grab a tissue and wait for your tears to fall.  So, I'm torn between two worlds. A world that I once was comfortable in and world I once knew- the world was where I grew up and made memories with family and friends. The other world is a world I long for. A place that my heart will continue to long for.

Everywhere I look, everywhere I stop and try to smell  the air here in TEXAS, I stop and start to think about the air in Abu Dhabi.

I long for my best friends, and our get togethers, our million and one calls during the day. Remember, none of us girls worked and we had time for each other? I miss meeting Tico in Dubai mall and going out to lunch with her while Abu Azooz watched a movie and left us girls alone to shop.  I long for spending hours on end with them and knowing if I was in a bad situation, they would understand me and be right there beside me to comfort me. When I miss my father/siblings, they would be the first to understand me longing to see my family, because they long for the same. All of us girls went to the Middle East as foreigners. I came back to my country only to feel like a foreigner. Go figure.... *sigh*

final whisper: Dad, if it wasn't for you being here in Texas, I wouldn't be here. 

Where is the good in goodbye?

mood:missing someone special

craving: lol

Salam Alykom my dolls.. Alllloooo (Arabic accent) to all my sweet followers out there... <3
Today was a productive day, I got a lot done. With a three year old, sometimes its kinda hectic, but I survived. YAY, me.. On to my entry.. The household is sleeping and I have some, 'me' time now. *sigh*

"Don't be dismayed at goodbyes. A farewell is necessary before you can meet again. And meeting again, after moments or lifetime, is certain for those who are friends."

All you non-Arab readers out there are probably wondering,"What's that writing on Texan's kitchen chalk board?" Well, let me tell y'all what it is.. It's the sweetest, most lovely message from one of the nicest friends ever. It says, "I love you, Kristina." Let me tell you a little about my sister in Islam. She's really spunky and really vivacious and she turns any head when she walks in the room. I loved her from the first 'Salam' and kiss on the cheeks. I love her so much, because she reminds myself of me when I was her age. She'll be leaving back to her country Saudi Arabia soon. But, I just wanna let her know, what she means to me. And what better place to type my feelings down  than my blog. I wrote this a while back and was going to read it to her the last get together we will have. I'm such a cry baby when it comes to friends/sisters leaving. I guess I can break the ice here and I'll have another speacial gift for her before she leaves. Here is what I wrote for her....

 

How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.

You and I are so much a like, it intrigues me.

But, I knew when you opened your mouth to talk to me and I heard your words and how they made me laugh, that you were compassionate, caring and loving.
When you smiled, it took me to another place; a place where people and lions got along, a place where hearts and balloons were the sky,
A place where humans never hurt.
You are everyone's sunshine and you are my family's sun. You are clearly unique...a diamond.
Always know you are loved by us. Texas will always be a place for you and your family to come and enjoy, and your son's birthplace, his home. :)
I will miss you, my friend/sister.
Distance shouldn't keep us away from each other.
Someday every dream of yours will come true and we will be together again. If not in this life, then in Jannah. (heaven)

all my love to you, nonna... <3 

- Texan, after UAE

final whisper: Why does it take a minute to say hello and forever to say goodbye?

The letter.....

mood: ok

craving:  that special place...

Salam Alykom to all my sisters and brothers and Hola to all my sisters and brothers in humanity. I hope y'all had a nice start to y'alls week. I've been soooo busy lately and I haven't gotten anytime to come and write. Now, on to my entry.... :) :) :)

To all it may concern,

To those who hated me, thank you,
you made me the strong person I am today.

To those who loved me unconditionally, thank you,
you make my heart bigger.

To those who envied me, thank you,
you have helped my self esteem grow.

To those who cared, thank you,
you make me feel important and treasured.

To those who worried, thank you,
you let me know that you care and that I matter.

To those who left, thank you,
you showed me that not everything is forever.

To those who stayed, thank you,
you show me the meaning of true friends.

To those all of you that have entered my life, thank you,
you have made me who I am today and for that, I am thankful.

Love, Texan after UAE

final whisper: I should post more often, since I miss me here most..........

Stay..

mood: fuzzy
craving: outdoor picnic, under the stars

Salam Alykom my sisters and brothers and Hello to all my sisters and brothers in humanity. :) I hope everyone is having a wonderful weekend. My weekend is nice, just enjoying spending time with my kids.

This entry is just very random... 

No matter who comes into my life, I will always 'silently' smile when I think about you. I will always silently 'laugh' when I think about YOU. I will always 'silently' cry, when I know we couldn't live our life together...

-Texan after UAE


final whisper: If its meant to happen.. it will happen.. Alhamdulilah.