mood: thoughtful
craving: time with my sisters (YaY, weekend is here)
Greetings, lovelies. Salam Alikom. I have been MIA for a while. Honestly, I haven't been able to think of anything to write due to the worst writer's block ever. Having said that, it's been an interesting couple of years since I returned to the US. From time to time, I write about my feelings about the past and the present, still trying to cope with things that have changed. Time is needed for this, and I have just that... a spare moment. I'll stop talking about myself now, how about you? Seeing and hearing about you is something I miss. Let's get started with my little entry. Despite my resistance, I managed to write something. You'll enjoy it.
When you were at a certain point in your life, did you ever imagine that years later your life would change so dramatically? Among old photos of the past, I found this one of Abo Azooz (my ex husband) at the beginning of our marriage. As we sat next to each other, we were laughing so hard. That day is still fresh in my mind. This is something I remember so vividly. Life can change so quickly. A decade later, I am divorced, I have a son with Abo Azooz, and I live in the United States. Even though one's life may be going through a rough patch, time keeps going. Since the divorce, my feelings have gotten deeper and I can almost go through my life and my memories as if they were videos. Once so important to me, those things have taken a different course in my life. There were different directions going different ways...
I had a lot of alone time last week. I know what you're thinking; she has a son who's with her 24/7, so why would she want 'alone time'? I just wanted to let you know that Azooz's father visited him recently. The opportunity for them to see each other every couple of months is fantastic, and I think it's wonderful that he comes to see him every couple of months. It's awesome. He took him for a week. My daughter and I went to a movie together on the first day. As strange as it may seem, we had never been away from Azooz before.
Honestly, I had mixed feelings about being away from Azooz.My daughter and I enjoyed our alone time, but it wasn't the same without my son. Did I feel relaxed? As far as my mental state was concerned, I was relaxed. His father is a great father, so I relaxed that way. But then, on the third day, I heard Azooz's voice in the distance. I knew he was back, and I immediately felt a wave of relief wash over me. Sure, I had enjoyed my time away from him, but nothing compares to having your child back in your arms
Meanwhile, I found it to be out of the ordinary. My mind wandered to him and I wondered what he was up to. I would call him before he went to bed, and the sound of his little voice was so comforting. The naughtiness and little fits he threw when he didn't get his way were missed. I can't believe I missed this annoying stuff, how could I have missed it? It's easy, I'm his mom and I love him. The funny thing about moms is that once those little ones wrap their arms around you and tell you they love you, you forget all those bad things they did. Only moms seem to be able to forget so easily.Nevertheless, this time away from my son gave me plenty of time to think.
It broke my heart to know my son was spending his last few days with his dad. Every time he leaves, I tell myself that I won't feel anything. I find myself so empathetic toward him because, after all, he's my son's father. As much as I love him, he also loves him. As I looked out my window at him saying goodbye to our son, I began to cry. As hard as I tried, I couldn't stop myself. There were guests over for dinner, and I didn't want anybody to feel upset seeing me hurt. Again, I was brokenhearted. However, this time was different. It only broke this time for my son. He does not get to see his father every day and does not get to show him the love he has for him.
The passage of time changes your feelings over time. However, I know something. My prayers for Abo Azooz will never cease. Each time he leaves, I know his heart breaks. The feeling won't go away as long as I live in the U.S.A
Abo Azooz saying good-bye to Azooz.
There will come a day when I will be able to see my path clearly. Compared to last year, it's clearer now and getting clearer by the day. Optimistic is what I am. There is one door that closes and another that opens. Hope never dies.
final whisper: He's the whisper in your wind
He's your imaginary friend
And I know he's always in your prayers.. Yes, Abo Azooz, he loves and misses you.
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