A new beginning...

mood: nostalgic
craving: vanilla coke


salam alykom and hello to everyone. It's gorgeous outside today, I just wanna be out all day with my kids and have some fun. My childhood best friends are coming over in about 30 minutes, so I'm sure I won't finish with this entry. But, I'll try. Have a nice rest of the weekend, my dolls.  To my Middle eastern sisters and brothers, I hope y'all had a nice weekend, because it's work tomorrow for y'all.. Have a blessed week and don't forget to always smile... :) :) :)

my mom when she was 30

Well, today marks my late mother's birthday. I think of her everyday and I don't need a birthday to think of her. But, I can't help to think how she loved birthdays. She would of been 70 years old today. I can't imagine what she would of looked like if she was alive today. She was always such a charismatic, beautiful, gentle lady.  Just to give you an example of my mom: I would come home from school when I was a teen and my friends would be visiting with my mom. They would love to talk to her and ask her for advice. She was always good at giving advice and always so positive in any bad situation. She would always know what to tell you and have you smiling and laughing at the end of the conversation. She was my best friend. I miss her. But, this is life and there's one thing that we can't get away with. That's death . All of us will face it one day. I wish she was here today to give me  advice about me starting over in my life. I long for her advice and her smile. I want to hear her soothing voice and feel her arms wrapped around my body. I want to feel her gentle kiss on my head and feel her stroke my hair and tell me, "Everything will be GREAT, Kristina." I want that feeling that only a mother can give. But, now I have to make my path and only go on what I would hear her tell my sisters and my friends when they were having problems. I will always remember her advice. Am I scared about being on my own? Yeah, a little bit. I would be lying if I said, "No." I was very much spoiled in this last marriage and everything was done for me. I didn't have to work and I was dependent on a man. I promise to never do that again, I promise to always depend on my self. The only other man I will always depend on is my most awesome father. He is the most loving, caring man. In my world, he is everything. Boy, do I have a awesome pair of parents. I'm so lucky.

 My dad when he was 28

There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning.

Today also marks the first time Abu Azooz and I met. What a day!  I never would of thought that ten years later, I would be divorced to a man I once loved. My world was complete. Now, I wouldn't say my world is over. I'll just say, it's a new beginning for my two children and I. I pray that I will always be here for my kids and I will be the best mother. It means so much to me to see them always smiling. They're my world. My seventeen year old daughter texted this to me the other day.

Her and I were having a conversation before she went to school. I went to brush my teeth and when I came out , she was gone. She texted me a bit later from school and she said, "I love you." This is when Abu Azooz came and I was just really confused and she didn't want to go back to UAE.. So, here it is..

9 months old.. My beautiful daughter Seventeen years ago.

Daughter: Are you okay? I wanted to talk to you this morning, but I left.

Me: Yeah, a little distorted

Daughter: You can make a good life for yourself, even if you just make baby steps. You could be a photographer and charge for pictures! You can make yourself  successful! You're an awesome Make-up artist and people want you to work for them when we always go look at make-up.You can do what you love and not look at it as 'work'.  Not everything is hard. It's only hard if you make it hard. I know you have been through so much this past year, but please Mom, you have to be strong. I know what he's offering is very tempting. It's even tempting to me. But I don't want to go back. Nothing is going to make this situation better. If you DID write a book, the book would be amazing.  Because your life has been amazing. And you're a beautiful, wise woman.You don't have to rely on a man for money, Mom. If we work together, my little brother will have a great life here in America. It's possible. Mom, you can have a good life here in America! You just have you want it.

I know you know what you want. Don't be scared. Conquer your fears.. Just do it.

Ya, that's my daughter. She's a pretty amazing for a seventeen year old. I've never met anyone like her. As matter of fact, everyone who meets my daughter , are always very shocked at how mature and smart she is. Sometimes I think my mom lives in her. I'm very blessed and thankful to God for all the blessings He's giving us. I'll make it. Inshallah. (only with the will of God) Here's to a new beginning.. Let's see what the world is gonna offer me... Or better yet, let's see what I can offer the world.

final whisper: The world is round and the place which may seem like the end may also be only the beginning.