Some more thoughts...

mood: reflective
craving: that hug from one of the most amazing women in the world - My son's grandmother.

Salam Alykom to my brothers and sisters and Hello to my lovely non-Muslims. I hope everyone is having a great week. I'm sure y'all are ready for the weekend. I know I am. That's the only time I get to spend with some of my special sisters. <3

Azooz and his grandfather

Today has been one of those days. I spent some time chatting with my sister in law. Can I still call her that?  Well, she is my sister in Islam. So, I can say my sister, my sister who I miss with all my heart.  I was telling her today a lot of what I felt. I told her, "Well, I have to admit, I got a lot of good things out of this marriage. I met the most amazing family in the world, who I will always love and cherish and never forget." In turn she said something that made my heart melt. I'll be humble about it and just keep it between her and I.  She was concerned if I'm happy and so sad that all this had to happen. Mostly concerned that this will affect our son and he's the one who will suffer. Sadly, that's what happens in divorce. Knowing that this situation is such a different case (since his father doesn't live here in the states) we will have to treat it different.  I was thinking about everything that we chatted about while I was washing dishes a little bit ago. Tears fell down my cheeks. I couldn't help but remember my mother in law and how when I first met her, she came up and  hugged me and greeted me with the warmest smile. I knew that I was right where I should be. Her hugs always felt so warm and I felt the love she had for me immediately.

I miss you
I miss your smile
And I still shed a tear
Every once in a while
And even though it's different now
You're still here somehow
My heart won't let you go
And I need you to know
I miss you

All in all, I thought about not writing about my past anymore and what I feel and felt then. But, you know this is a healing process and I had ten years with Abo Azooz (father of Azooz) and it won't go away just like that. It takes time. Plus, this is my blog and I get to write what I want. :) I'm moving on. They say time heals. They're right. Time does heal.  This journal is a therapy for me and it feels good to reflect on good times with the people I love. I like to always write positive things about people I love.  Even if no one ever read my blog again, it would still comfort me to know that I'm writing for a good cause. I try to help people out there in the world, struggling maybe with issues like mine. If not like mine, they're different and let them know that life isn't perfect. There are many struggles and heartache in life. If there wasn't, there would be no purpose to strive for better.

Nothing is predestined: The obstacles of your past can become the gateways that lead to new beginnings.

I've said in other blog entries: if I've helped one person out there, that would make me feel awesome. If I made one person smile after or while they're having a bad day, I would be so happy. I ask God to always make us appreciate the big and small things in this short life and always strive for better. I ask Him to protect us from the bad out there and to keep us on the straight path always. 

Many of my friends and family ask me, "If you had to do it all over again, would you?" I reply without a thought. YES and YES and YES again and again. With a big smile. I don't regret a thing in my life. I really don't. The last ten years of my life was like a fairy tale. My son was the best gift I got out of all this. The second best thing was getting to know my in laws and sharing my love with them and in turn them giving me their love and showing me what genuine people they are. May God protect them always and give them good in this life and the hear after and forgive their shortcomings AMEEN

We miss y'all. Yes, we do. Much love and many kisses and hugs. I will never in my life forget how you made us feel.  My sons reflection is y'all. I promise he will know y'all. 

Dearest Aboya (my father in law) & Yumma (Mother in law) I will always remember all the love you gave us. Y'all will forever be in my heart and most importantly my prayers.

final whisper: Never regret anything because at one time it was exactly what you wanted